She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
