In the future we'll all be gay
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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