I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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