i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
