Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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