So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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