so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
