What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
