I wish I could teleport
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
