It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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