Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
