so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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