party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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