Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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