i would punch a child for taco bell
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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