You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize