don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
