the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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