apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
