And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
