hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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