I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
