yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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