jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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