Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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