so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
