my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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