am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
