the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
