Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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