paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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