i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
