We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How does one acquire holy water?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
