is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
