I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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