i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
