You really coming over, don't trick.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
