Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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