so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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