i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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