I love black thongs
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
