So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
