I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
