If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
