coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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