I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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