I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
