I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
