even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
