Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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