I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
