He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
