all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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