A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize