i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
