so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
