he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
