She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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