Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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