Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cut my penus on the lid.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
