there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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