he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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