3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
