I accidentally had phone sex last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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