I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
please come you make the beer taste better
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
