that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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