Me. At least after what I've been through.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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