Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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