How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Houston, we have a blender
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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