apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, beer. Big fan.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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