Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
