I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize