I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
