My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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