That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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