I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
