We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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