what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
