i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
