Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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