why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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