Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize