How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
